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[31 Mar 2008|08:36am] |
i just bought my first briefcase.
im going to use it to pack my knives.
im gonna leave here, and travel.
maybe to south america for a bit.
tour up the carribean, until i hit mexico and the states.
eventually make it back here.
only to repack my knives.
and head to new zealand and austrailia.
get lost in the outback,
moving over to the philipines, and thailand, malaysia. and surrounding.
comming back to canada, distant and knowledged.
only to leave again, and head to africa and surrounding, mainly the southern bits.
safari, get lost in the jungle, learn everything i possibly can.
and finally make it back home, to only leave for europe.
and probably not to return for a while.
now if this could come true, i would be happy.
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[24 Mar 2008|09:14am] |
i think i am addicted to explicit and illicit drugs.
addicted.
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[31 Jan 2008|11:48pm] |
so i think i have a sleeping problem.
instead of sleeping, i like to stay up late, look at the traffic, find all the coke and crackheads, watch movies, and cartoons, stare at my ceiling, daydream, because you cant dream dream, look at the empty office buildings, look at the city, walk the sidewalks, and run on the road, cook, write down love letters, poems and recipies. do drugs, drink alot, and i should cut back, its not healthy, really.
instead of sleeping, i wish i could atleast spend time with someone, its crappy being alone all the time, which is why im getting a dog, i want the compainionship with half the talking, JUST kidding
instead of sleeping,
instead of sleeping i like to take long walks baked or unbaked, and clear my head, listen to my phone, and just kinda trail, two days ago i was at warden and st clair, and instead of catching a cab home or taking the ttc, i decided to walk home, and basically shower and get to school, it was 4isham when i left, so covering that vast amount of ground was pretty hard. plus the fact that i was at a party, but halfway through it i just felt sick, not like the sick ive been feeling recently, which i am feeling better about, this was more heart-hurt, and i dont know if its because i miss her alot, and this whole just talking over the phone or late night texting doesnt cut it for me, or what but, i miss the smell of her hair, the softness of her skin, and a smile that could melt the ice-caps.
it just kind of upsets me, makes me wonder if trying this whole thing is worth it really, i mean after moving here, you get into drugs, and alcohol like its candy and water, and the women they came with it to, but its not the same.
someone who can look you in the eyes, and just smile, not even speak, just smile, and you know that everything is perfect.
i dont know about this one.
i dont know if it could go great,
or if it could go belly up.
but i suppose i shouldnt jynx it, i should just kinda keep things rolling, because, i mean, she obvioulsy means alot haha. which i think is something special.
but instead of sleeping, what i love the most is i post thoughts and feelings, for my friends to read, so that theyre all kind of still involved in my life, because i have not seen alot of them in a long time.
which is also why i think my heart hurts.
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[27 Jan 2008|07:50am] |
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so the puppy dream is comming true, this spring/summer iii will have my own roommate.
which will be nice to have the company, but if things are going the way they are, i may not be so lonely, hahaha.
im real happy and dont want to ruin it.
seriously, dont want to ruin it.
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[19 Jan 2008|01:39am] |
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cross off 1 new years resolution.
add
get boxer puppy. - 1100$ later that is...
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[13 Jan 2008|07:14pm] |
so its happened. ive fallen for the boss's daughter, hahaha.
the other cooks pick on me, saying stuff like "your father in law is behind you" hahaha.
its comedic relief is what i find best.
but i actually find her amazing in everyway. so hopefully she feels the same, i dont know maybe ill wait a week to ask her out.
shes different from all of the others.
different in a good way.
it makes me happy.
happy is good.
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[02 Jan 2008|12:24am] |
New Year Resolutions.
- Lose Weight.
- Graduate School (can't be that hard im pretty good).
- Become a better Cook.
- Become a better Friend
- Fall in Love
- Fall out of Love
- Travel to atleast one City or Town, 500km away minimum.
- Get atleast 4 of the 45 Tattoo's
- Stay alive until my birthday
- Build a 350, and roar the 7.
all i think are obtainable, ive got 364 more days to go.
lets see what happens.
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[28 Nov 2007|08:33pm] |
And I got this joint on my keyboard starin' back at me
Like you ain't gone be happy 'til you puff on this fatty
Smoke five years straight, made the mistake of tryin' it
Say I got no problem, but I really hate denyin' it
I'm an addict for the marijuana
Doesn't matter if I wanna get high
I get high, its part of everyday life that I chose
I know this shit'll probably kill me
And I won't quit, but everytime I blaze, I feel guilty
And I still do it, cause every choice has a consiquence
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[24 Nov 2007|01:13pm] |
it couldnt have gone better then expected.
it shrunk from the 5 to four halfway through the night, the excuse of having to get up for work, well thats just the past.
this lifetime, entitles me to stumble in anywhere, intoxicated. and i love it.
270$ later and well everyone tanked, we go back to her neighbours place, and we sit and talk more (what we did all night) the four of us.
its now 3am, work for some is at 9, i work at 3, and well princess doesn't have a job haha.
the best part was though, there was ABSOLUTELY no conversation between her and i the entire first half of the night, and i expected that.
but once he left, and i honestly, without even being told things were not right, you just get that feeling, but by 3am, nothing mattered, there were a hundred thousand phonecalls each of them starting with fuck you, and ending with fuck you.
i mean not to sound like a vulture, over a carcass, thats alive, but mangled to the point beyond belief, but shes happy around me, she smiles, shes just. amazing. and honestly, i am willing to take a dozen shots to my stomach, a 2x4 over my back, a bottle to my head, and a kick to my nuts. look up smile and ask for more.
but was just so perfect, never before have i had so much fun (i am lying, but this one is in the books) but i mean the point of sleeping, and we all go our seperate ways, and i told her straightfaced, not tonight, no way, i dont think we can do this anymore, i mean already tonight your boyfriend totally wants me dead. and the entire night, i just lay awake, wide away, intoxicated, by the like 14 rye and gingers, the "spillage" shots, and like 4 joints to myself. like im suprised my brain still was on, but the entire night i was awake, and i just kept looking outside, at the moon and thinking. it must have been like 5am and finally i thought i was going to sleep.
until the door opened.
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| the day of doom |
[22 Nov 2007|11:03pm] |
the one thing i didnt want to happen, had to happen.
i got too close to the sun, flying on a pair of wax wings, and here i am spiraling into oblivion.
luckily, i always carry a trusty micro jetpack, so atleast i think i can survive another day. i hope.
but back to reality, tomorrow, would be our one month, except were just friends, with benifits, but just friends, and the BEST part is, to commemorate it, im going out drinking with her, and her bestfriend, annnnnnd her boyfriend, oh yes. i get to get nice and drunk, and spill my guts out, and die.
day of doom.
what was i thinking, chef school was going to be the death of me.
literally.
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[08 Nov 2007|02:30pm] |
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music, has the ability to make you feel whatever feeling you wish to feel.
sometimes i find it amazing that there are albums which you can listen straight through not get board, skip a track loop one you just heard. but when you get one is it not just amazing.
so far i have played this to wake me up, put me to sleep, keep people close to me, and sometimes pull them closer.
and honestly, when i read along or well try to sing. it makes me smile
which inturn i get smiles.
and inturn, makes me happy.
and honesty there ain't that much better,
cause im ontop. buf.
I'd like to say that you're my only fear
And when I dream it slowly disappears
And when I wake I'm right here by your side
To feel your heart beat in and out of time
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[15 Oct 2007|07:48pm] |
what a dilemma i have encountered...something i never wanted to do, ever.
edit.
now thats fucking ironic.
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[04 Oct 2007|12:03am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 high |
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music |
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wmp |
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so i sit in what seems to be my condo, its a mess. moving is a process.
i love it down here, its different, you can walk out anytime of day and meet someone new, now two faces the same, people are friendly.
and on my way to school i get all the looks from those hot business interns.
life is sweet. the girls are nice.
and school is.
Amazing. we cook we eat, were a functioning class that has its highs and lows. you show up stoned and cook like a champ, it doesnt matter if your black white yellow or green, we have a common goal to achieve amongst us all. food.
its amazing standing next to someone and watching their moves, to move line to oven, toss of pan, simple knife work, how everyone sets themselves apart, but you all can come together to make all this wonderful fantastic food.
we are a unit.
we are marines.
we are
Family.
Thats how i feel about school, its another appendage on my body, its like its always been there just never used.
its amazing.
i cant wait to start working. and get back on track, the nightlife is my life, but its one hell of a life, your constantly drinking, and when your not drinking your on your way to get drinks.
inorder to cook, one must be
a raging alcoholic.
i understand why kitchens are filled with cocaine, and herorin, pot out of every corner, the amount of stress, the heat, the fucking necktie cutting off circulation upwards of your neck, aswell as it gives you that fucking rash. but you dont stop, cant stop, gotta cook, gotta finish. grades are everything, so you cant fail, come too far, everything is competition, strive and achieve. until.
its over.
chef looks at you and smiles and says you did good kid. that was 50 covers at once almost. next up we got a 12 top and a square of 8, so dont quit on me now.
not to mention everyother buisnessman and woman looking to dine on a dime.
the plates go out perfect, nothing but the best.
he looks at you again, and knows that your kicking ass and taking names, you start the calls, bellow to your troops, orders up that little dinging bell, your ready to hammer that little ball bearing till it dings no more.
you look at the clock its almost 4, you started at 8am.
not bad for a day of free work and some good grades, the chef turns to you and says " Alright mate no worries, next week these are your men and women and you lead them through the shit just like this week, next week is beef, so were going to have alot more covers, so pull your trousers high and step up your game."
its over, your ready to go
then he hands you the scrub brush, and says.
" Next weeks like a day off for you, so get ahead now"
what a class.
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[27 Aug 2007|04:34am] |
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always out of arms reach,
and im never there to catch you.
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[25 Jul 2007|10:13pm] |
Who was i kidding.
what an idiot i am.
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[16 Jul 2007|10:57am] |
IIIII
am an asshole. and i have destroyed "the code".
therefore i should be destroyed. seriously.
butttt then again i am such a nice guy.
guess ill just slip by.
im falling for her, honestly.
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[16 Jun 2007|03:51pm] |
Take a look around baby, yeh my whole crews ugly
But we still got the most game, the most money
The most hos, the most honeys, its so funny
How you hate my fuckin guts but at the same time love me
From the lincoln to the gold to the lowrinding bike
I always catch you hatin but you know that you like
What you see is what you get, nothing more, nothing less
Im chillin smokin chronic while youre chokin on stress
I see youre mad at the fact that my pockets stay fat
Is it the cash I made on whacks or the cocaine sacks?
To the crew I roll with or the one that you lack
I wish you would come around, Id lay you flat on your back
You better hope you fuckin miss me if you see me drinkin whiskey
You know, me and diablo get way past tipsy
Whether drunk, high, or sober, yeah we still get it over
Catchin tats at 3 a.m., head to toe, tread to joker
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[08 Jun 2007|10:52am] |
watch the sunrise.
and,
stay up late with me, so i can see the full moon.
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[07 May 2007|08:30pm] |
:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
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